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two weeks

Two weeks. I’ve read all the books but one. The Puppet one.






You’re not even trying are you?







Today I found a stuffed chihuahua on the kitchen counter.


…Why was there a stuffed chihuahua on the counter?


It’s currently in one of the cabin’s many empty closets, facing the wall. Because taxidermy creeps me out.

Still Kicking

The pain in my finger has died down. At some point I discovered that the medicine cabinet in the bathroom was filled, so I’ve been taking Tylenol.


There’s a lot of other new stuff in here too, but most of you probably already know what’s there, since you chose it.


I finished A Game of Thrones and The Count of Monte Cristo. They were good books. I just started The Way of Kings.

My Finger

I woke up today with blood on my sheets and a bandage wrapped around my left hand.


My ring finger was missing.


It doesn’t actually hurt all that much… but it feels weird. Like it should still be there. I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet.


Actually, I’m feeling better. The people who did this must have injected me with something to keep me from waking when they… when they took my finger. Maybe it help fight off the cold?


But why did they take my finger? Did someone mess up or make this Jester asshole mad?


saarhbuias It jutys suddleny started throbnbiong. hurts hursthurtshurtss


head hurts


New stuff in the mornings. but head hurts. the water makes me sick. spent most of yesterday in the bathroom.


should sleep. light from monitor hurts.


To the people asking me to describe things previously: I don’t know. All the labels on the food have been blacked out, and I don’t know what kind of trees these are. Pine are the only trees I can recognize. I see pine. Does that help?


And I saw those rules this “Jester” guy posted. I… I really don’t want to think about it.


Good news though: This morning I found ten books laid out across the table: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin, The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, Ringworld by Larry Niven, I Am America (And So Can You) by Stephen Colbert, Twilight by Stephanie Meyer (joy), and… some weird book called The Puppet Empress. No author listed.


So now, in addition to a bed, a couch, food, and indoor plumbing, I have some books to read to pass the time. Thank fucking God.

This is Jester Speaking

Hello little ones. I have decided to post this to dear Derek’s blog, as Twitter’s character limit is difficult to get around and I want Derek to understand what’s happening to him.

I am Jester, and you are all participating in my game.

The pieces are in place, and Round One begins tomorrow.

Here are the rules:

1) Each Round I will post a challenge on Twitter. Each challenge will have a time limit. Whoever solves the challenge first will be rewarded by me presenting them with a choice. What they choose will alter Derek’s living conditions.

2) If the challenge is not solved by the time the time limit runs out, Derek will die.

3) Derek’s sister Grace is barred from answering my challenges. Instead, I will be sending her a series of clues. She will follow the clues if she wants to see her brother again. Travel expenses will be provided for by me.

4) Grace is allowed to share my clues and ask for help, but if she tries to stray from the path I have chosen for her, Derek will die.

5) Sometimes I may post a Bonus Round. These follow different rules from regular rounds. Those rules will be explained when I post them.

6) Sometimes I will ask you to finish a joke for me. Whoever writes the funniest punchline gets a prize.

7) The game will end once Derek leaves the cabin.

Round One will start tomorrow. Have fun and remember: it’s just a game. Don’t take too seriously. Unless you happen to be Derek, there’s nothing to worry about.

Happy hunting.